Goats and Wolves and Giraffes, Oh My!

I'm napping peacefully beside my boyfriend, Scott. The love of my life and heart of my heart. I can see myself sleeping, as if I'm watching a movie. A very, very, very boring movie. I guess my boyfriend's friend comes over with a few of his "bros," because I can hear voices and commotion. It doesn't wake me though. Usually everything wakes me.

Until...

Something disturbs the bed. Has Scott woken up? No. I can feel his body pressed against my back and his arm around my waist. I roll over to give him a kiss and quickly understand what it was that woke me. The man lying snuggled up against me is NOT my boyfriend. I hurl my body backward away from the stranger, nearly falling to the floor.

I rage.

"Get the fuck out of my house, you creepy piece if shit!"
He laughs in reply.

I'm going out of my mind breaking things, screaming, tearing at the man's flesh. I'm yelling for someone, anyone to get the man out of my house.

Now I'm standing in the back yard with Scott. He's raking leaves while I complain and carry on about the strange man in my bed. How did he let that happen? Why isn't anyone else upset? Who the fuck was that guy??? You know, the usual questions any woman would have after waking up to a stranger spooning her where her boyfriend used to be. Scott, ever the zen master, ignores my hysteria and continues to rake. Frustrated, I wander off and stroll along the perimeter of our chain-link fence. We're situated in a valley of sorts. They're more large hills than mountains that surround us, and the foliage differs every 100 yards or so. Sometimes it's desert landscape, sometimes it's thick woodlands, other times it looks almost tropical.

I look up and see a goat standing on a boulder above the fence. It's pacing as though trying to decide whether or not it wants to make the leap into our yard. I move toward the fence to assure the goat that if it wanted to come over the fence, it wouldn't be harmed. I'm hoping it's a girl so I may steal some of it's cheese. Yes, cheese. You didn't think goat cheese was made from goat milk, did you? Pfft, shows how much you guys know. It looks like the goat is going to make the leap when, suddenly, a wolf appears behind the goat and the goat (appropriately) takes off.

The wolf is staring at me. Then it looks down at the fence, then back at me. Then at the fence, before looking back at me. Fence. Me. Fence...

With one effortless leap, the wolf is in the yard. I run to the shed and lock myself in, peering out a small crack in the wall at the wolf. The wolf is staring directly into my eyes. Scott appears and says something to the wolf. I guess it understands because it follows him the fence and allows Scott to lead it out. What did he say?

I emerge from the shed just as a GIANT giraffe rises up out of no where, standing tall on the other side of the fence. Do we live near a zoo? Do we live IN a zoo?

Fin.

- Teresa Taylor